Testimonials

Here are testimonies from four couples who were recommended for each other by Susan Crosthwaite.

Temura and Mooi Eng

They were recommended for each other in 1998.
The husband Mooi Eng (left), a New Zealand Maori, was 39 years old at the time. Temurais Malaysian Chinese. He was a member in the 1970’s and joined again in the 1990’s.

Here we see them together with their two children during the Crosthwaite’s visit (Susan in middle) to Australia, April 2007




Jukka and Dorota Mutikainen

Jukka (left) is from Finland and Dorota is from Poland. Both are in their second Blessing. This is the couple in Korea in 2007.
They were introduced in October 2003, met in November 2003 and Blessed on Feb. 1, 2004

Here is a letter Susan wrote (April 22, 2008) to Jukka and his reply:

Dear Jukka,

We are 'piloting' a system of matching 1st Gen. people these days, which is similar to the way you and Dorota were matched.  I wonder if you would be able to write a few words for me about your experience which I can use as a testimony to the value of this method - i.e. giving people time and freedom to make the decision their own.

Susan

Jukka replied:
My ‘Testimony’
Regarding matching, I felt very good that you did not try to push for a certain decision, but gave time and space for own decision. It was important that I felt that you were ready to accept even if I say no. Actually, that helped a lot indeed to say yes. The important thing was that I had space to really say yes or no without having to feel to be "a bad member".
Also you did your part based on heart and love, not based on duty in the first place. Also, not everybody has the level of heart you have. You were the right person for me to do the matching, because you have gone through pain and suffering yourself. I think you also like what you are doing, you are in your own field. That is important because if you like what you do you can do more and produce better quality.
Finally, I think you have a good eye to see who fits together with whom. I would classify you as professional in matching area.
Best wishes, Jukka (June 3, 2008)

Jean Luc Ngama & Jana Rozehnalová

He is from the Congo (a refugee and now resident in the United Kingdom) and she is from the Czech Republic. They are ‘Jacob’ children.
Jean Luc had been matched twice before and had been a candidate for over four years.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How does the Introduction system work?
A: It works like this: Once each are introduced and they say ‘yes’ the pair will pray, perhaps visit each other, and win each other's hearts and prepare themselves in terms of their understanding about the Blessing and about marriage. It's their time to make their own decision about their commitment to the Blessing and to building a Blessed family together.
They will enter the first stage of a 'heavenly engagement'; That is 21 days of communication, called the Introduction period. After that, if they decide to continue, they then have the rest of 7 months (25 weeks) .

Q: How could I explain the ‘Heavenly Courtship’ to a candidate more deeply?
A: You could say something like this:

1. The 7-month Heavenly Courtship period is for you to make your commitment to the eternal Blessing very solid (an absolute commitment), so that you do not say the Blessing vows without really meaning what you are saying.
2. During this time you have three weeks of initial communication to decide if you will enter the 'Heavenly Courtship' for the rest of the 7 months (i.e. 25 weeks). We call this 21 days, the Communication Phase.
3. 'Heavenly Courtship' means to understand about restoring your positions to that of 'bride of the Messiah', and 'good archangel' from those of fallen woman and man.
4. Please use the 25 weeks for two things: to strengthen your relationship with True Parents, and of course, to come closer to God's Heart; and win each other's hearts, and get to know each other enough to be committed when you are Blessed.
5. Please do not be romantic emotionally and verbally, or touch each other romantically during the 7 months. When you go through the 3-day ceremony , 40 days after the Blessing, you will be restored to the positions of a Godly man and woman. Then you will be free to be romantic, and totally loving inwardly and physically.
   

Q: The pair seem to be happy because of the matching and are hoping to meet each other as soon as possible. I would like to share deeper guidance with them on how to behave and develop their relationship during these seven months.
A: This is their 'heavenly courtship' time. They can use that time as they want - it's their time to really 'take ownership' of the decision - and if there are education programs which the Eu-BFD is offering ( see the Web site http://www.bfdeu.org ) which seem helpful, they can attend them (e.g. Living in the Four Great Realms of Heart).

Q: I want to be clear from the very beginning so that the couple can develop their relationship properly under God’s guidance. During their separation period are they supposed to behave as brother and sister?
A: Yes. Refer to above points 4 and 5. In addition, be respectful, kind, polite and friendly. Be interested in the other person and share who you are.

Q: The candidate went to a Blessing preparation workshop more than 2 years ago. Does he/she need to go again?
A: If he went to his Blessing prep workshop more than 2 years ago, he will need to attend another one. He can do that during the 7 months or afterwards - either is OK - but it needs to be before the Blessing.

Q: Once they are Blessed, is that it as far as the BFD is concerned?
A: We recommend that after their Blessing they attend another Blessing Education program after they have done the 3-days ceremony and begun their life together. So after about another year, when they've had some experience of really relating with each other as a married couple.

Q: Why wait 7 months?
A: Experience shows that a length of time, such as this, is needed to harmonise the standards of each person, and especially in the case of a person with long experience within the Unification Principles matched with another who has barely been introduced to the standards of a lifestyle of service. It also seems to be, in practice, the minimum time a person needs to get to know someone else.

Policy regarding a couple who have experienced infidelity and who wish to attend the October 14th Blessing

Based on communication from Phillip Schanker - USA BFD Director

A very clear Memo came from the USA and this was the basis of the Memo which Eu-BFD sent out last week.
One paragraph said:
“It is not, however, a forgiveness or amnesty ceremony. If a Blessing has been violated by infidelity, that couple should consult their district BFD and leadership, participate in an approved preparatory condition prior to October 14th, and plan to fulfill appropriate conditions after October 14th to restore the sanctity of their Blessing with the grace of God and True Parents. With these conditions, guided and approved by their district leadership or BFD, couples may also participate in the October 14th Blessing.”
We asked Phillip to clarify what an approved preparatory condition would be.
He answered ( I took out some details which are irrelevant to our European situation ):

“…our wonderful meeting with In Jin Nim last week. Among the issues and situations we raised was a couple who have been in counseling for some time after years of the husband's secret infidelity and physical abuse and anger toward his wife. They asked IJN if she could give them some condition or path to restore their Blessing. She referred the issue to us, asking us to come up with a proposal for her. I explained the original forgiveness process requiring 7 years separation, and usually not addressing the emotional and relational issues. I also explained that in the US we have not had a clear & standardized approach, that in Japan they maintained the 7-years course to our knowledge, but may have changed recently, and in Korea they handled these situations privately, case-by-case as usual.  
Knowing In Jin Nim and True Children's basic emphasis and priorities, we proposed for this couple 7 months of sexual abstinence & separation, during which they continue counseling, participate in two programs that we would recommend: one for anger management & abuse and one for healing from infidelity [programs discovered at the Smart Marriages Conference www.smartmarriages.com], and complete one interview with one of the National BFD reps. In Jin Nim approved, and suggested that they fulfill a meaningful condition for 21 days prior to the 14th, participate in the Blessing and then the condition to re-establish the foundation for their Blessing.
We (BFD) know we have to think more deeply about this, but all of us agree that 7 or 12 months is appropriate, and to address each couple's issues through counseling, establishing a spiritual and emotional healing process tailored to their situation & needs. In Jin Nim has given us that authority, which we can see that Hyung Jin Nim and True Children have, and he is consulting with IJN. ”

Based on this guidance and information from the USA, we would recommend that you guide your couples who have suffered in this way and who sincerely want to reconcile and renew their commitment to each other to begin a 7 month condition:
sexual abstinence for 7 months

A program of reconciliation including:
Prayer and spiritual disciplines to renew their relationship with God and True Parents
Counseling to address the emotional and relational issues which may have contributed to the breakdown of their relationship.
An interview and prayer with the Blessed Family Department Representative or Community Leader to begin and conclude their 7 months.
At the conclusion we suggest that make the couple write a statement or declaration in their own words, putting words to the exact goals that they commit to aspire to together.
This could be signed by the central figure they prayed with. One copy should remain in the expressed confidence of the central figure and the other in the possession of the couple. When the couple reach their goals they can burn the document and put the time behind them, and look forward with as positive a mindset as possible.
For support and more guidance about possible programs and educational materials to help you take the couple through this process, please contact the Eu-BFD Representative in your area ( see www.bfdeu.org )
The Eu-BFD Committee